When as a writer, you attempt to put words down on a page or screen, you necessarily want to start with at least some direction. Direction of course, is usually at least some kernel of an idea, some word, phrase, or passing fancy to begin the metaphorical creative first step. Once you have this idea, you can then usually turn this first step into a dance of sorts, by putting one word after another, one sentence after another, and one paragraph after the next. Eventually, you are then moving from a simple cha-cha of words, to the tango of a story. However, like in any sort of dance, the first foot forward, has to know a little of where to go.
A couple of weeks ago, my friend Jeff, whom you can visit via the Friends and Family link, caught up with me and let me know he'd be in town with, well his family. Family in the loss sense of the word, being the people he cares about, hangs out with, and decided to come to town with, including his significant other MC. Knowing I would be up for a change, and having met several of his family before, he invited me to have lunch with them all, and basically introduce me to MC. I agreed, as any social life addition is more then welcome. Although as I found out later, I almost had to deal with his visit, another friend's visit, and another friend's birthday party on the same day. This of course being a karmic revenge for having little to no social life for the last four years, and of course now moving to shift that might allow it. The bad news, was the second friend ending up not being able to come down. But I was less harried, although still pretty much out the entire day.
As I digress, I eventually met up with Jeff and his family for lunch, which ended up being, me, Jeff and 9 or 11 women at one table. This wasn't as bad as some people might imagine, as most of the women were under 30, and those that weren't, didn't pay it any mind. So conversation wasn't the type cast girly, and it was a rather enjoyable meal.
After we had finished the meal, various groups went in different directions and I decided to walk with Jeff and MC. While strolling the conversation at one point turned to writing. As Jeff and I have both struggled with writing over the years, each with our own demons to fight in trying to become what we would call a writer, this type of conversation was not wholly unexpected. MC being relatively new to it, metaphorically kicked both our asses and pointed out things we knew, but had ignored. As such we both eventually fell to her authoritative arguments and agreed we'd try writing, again, and again, and again, till we finally break through the last wall to find ourselves, writers.
Whether or not this actually happens, I can at least say that MC is a great women, and Jeff is a lucky man to have her in this now time. And yes, this counts MC! Cheers.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
Light of Many Days
A couple of weeks ago, my job decided to move me from graveyard shift to second shift. I'd been on graveyard for about four years up till then, and thus was both willing and nervous about changing shifts. Willing, because four years of only working from 9pm till the next morning, tends to impact the things you take for granted on many levels.
For one, you live opposite everyone else. When you go to work, everyone else is at home. When telemarketers call, they aren't interrupting your dinner, or leaving messages while your not at home, they are instead interrupting your sleep. Your social life basically goes to pieces, so if unless you are married, have kids, or a serious significant other already, the chances of meeting people, friends, or gaining new acquaintances is shot. You also are usually more tired, see light as the enemy, and generally never get anything done.
On the plus side, you usually make more money, don't have to deal with traffic, and can drink beer in the mornings, although this could be a big minus depending on your state's blue laws. Night work is also usually slower then daytime, although in my case, it wasn't, but that was due to work being unable to staff up correctly part of the time.
As is, going for four years, and one gets used to things. Thus moving to a day shift was going to need some adjustment. I was certainly all for the move, just internally a little apprehensive, over both the different work atmosphere, as well as the possibility of rejoining the human race in my own timezone.
Being several weeks now, I can still say I'm glad of the whole move. Work is different, but not in a bad way. I never really had a lot of time on the graveyard shift, but now I'm more focused on set procedures and work then before. My diet is also coming under control as I'm able to eat at more regular times, and have a lot more choice. I still don't have a big social life, however already I'm not stressed when friends show up in town, and want to do lunch, as now, I'm certainly awake.
It'll still take some time to fully adjust, and more time adjust my own self perception and get back on the dating horse again, but now I see the light in the distance, as a beacon, and not as this hostile otherworld.
For one, you live opposite everyone else. When you go to work, everyone else is at home. When telemarketers call, they aren't interrupting your dinner, or leaving messages while your not at home, they are instead interrupting your sleep. Your social life basically goes to pieces, so if unless you are married, have kids, or a serious significant other already, the chances of meeting people, friends, or gaining new acquaintances is shot. You also are usually more tired, see light as the enemy, and generally never get anything done.
On the plus side, you usually make more money, don't have to deal with traffic, and can drink beer in the mornings, although this could be a big minus depending on your state's blue laws. Night work is also usually slower then daytime, although in my case, it wasn't, but that was due to work being unable to staff up correctly part of the time.
As is, going for four years, and one gets used to things. Thus moving to a day shift was going to need some adjustment. I was certainly all for the move, just internally a little apprehensive, over both the different work atmosphere, as well as the possibility of rejoining the human race in my own timezone.
Being several weeks now, I can still say I'm glad of the whole move. Work is different, but not in a bad way. I never really had a lot of time on the graveyard shift, but now I'm more focused on set procedures and work then before. My diet is also coming under control as I'm able to eat at more regular times, and have a lot more choice. I still don't have a big social life, however already I'm not stressed when friends show up in town, and want to do lunch, as now, I'm certainly awake.
It'll still take some time to fully adjust, and more time adjust my own self perception and get back on the dating horse again, but now I see the light in the distance, as a beacon, and not as this hostile otherworld.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
So you want to be famous?
I was talking with a co-worker earlier about some procedures, and what to do in X situation, mostly trying to impart some of my experience on the job, when he came across an official procedures document, that apparently mentioned me in it. Upon examination I found some things I had written when, for lack of a better word, bugging the procedures in the first place. Apparently the people in charge of said procedures and programs, decided to just lift my notes whole and use them. Looking at the document, all my notes showed no bad intentions were in mind when they did so, on the contrary this only enforced a most positive view of me. But what it really did was remind me, that although I've never been the "Cool" or the "Popular" person, I've also been the person most remembered and respected.
The co-worker also enforced this ego by then saying "You're a celebrity and didn't even know it"
My only comment was, "That seems to happen a lot"
I mean, growing up, I'd somehow get my picture in the paper, not as the focus or sole person highlighted in the article, but instead usually with a group of people, or about some project going on. It was rarely with the same people either, but instead it was as if I was riding some human interest wave, from one project to the next. Bouncing between the local newspaper, to the school paper, to the state paper and back. And every time, my name would wind up in the article, and people would notice.
I unconsciously tried side stepping this unintentional "be the story" by joining journalism my last year in high school. I figured, if I wrote the paper, I wouldn't be the paper. Unfortunately, because I didn't concentrate fully on writing, and instead still did a lot of other things my senior year, from founding a NJROTC at my school, to doing a stint as a page for the State House of Representatives, I still ended up in other people's articles. Also of course in an article about the school newspaper, so there was no escaping it there.
Finally I did leave most of the evident very minor celebrity status behind when I went off to college, only to begin a new quasi-very minor celebrity adventure, but having my name show up in the oddest of places, years after I'd left jobs in some cases, because when I left, I usually left a place better, with a bit more understanding, and apparently quite a bit of respect.
Thus, whenever I'm reminded of this unintentional life I lead, I'm glad to know that although I'm not famous as the world knows famous. Instead I'm famous in the way I want to know famous, as the cog that made a difference, and was proud of it
The co-worker also enforced this ego by then saying "You're a celebrity and didn't even know it"
My only comment was, "That seems to happen a lot"
I mean, growing up, I'd somehow get my picture in the paper, not as the focus or sole person highlighted in the article, but instead usually with a group of people, or about some project going on. It was rarely with the same people either, but instead it was as if I was riding some human interest wave, from one project to the next. Bouncing between the local newspaper, to the school paper, to the state paper and back. And every time, my name would wind up in the article, and people would notice.
I unconsciously tried side stepping this unintentional "be the story" by joining journalism my last year in high school. I figured, if I wrote the paper, I wouldn't be the paper. Unfortunately, because I didn't concentrate fully on writing, and instead still did a lot of other things my senior year, from founding a NJROTC at my school, to doing a stint as a page for the State House of Representatives, I still ended up in other people's articles. Also of course in an article about the school newspaper, so there was no escaping it there.
Finally I did leave most of the evident very minor celebrity status behind when I went off to college, only to begin a new quasi-very minor celebrity adventure, but having my name show up in the oddest of places, years after I'd left jobs in some cases, because when I left, I usually left a place better, with a bit more understanding, and apparently quite a bit of respect.
Thus, whenever I'm reminded of this unintentional life I lead, I'm glad to know that although I'm not famous as the world knows famous. Instead I'm famous in the way I want to know famous, as the cog that made a difference, and was proud of it
Friday, October 19, 2007
When reading, doesn't enjoy
The fact that you are reading this, means you sometimes read things, not because you enjoy them, but because if you don't read it, you feel you've missed out on something. Not to say that my writing is terrible, just that my blogging has never been terribly consistent. On the other hand, what has brought up this topic isn't blogging, but instead when it comes to reading novels.
Currently, I'm attempting to read a novel, that I will only refer to as "That piece of Crap" or [TPOC] for short. I'm also going to refrain from specifics on the plot, as I am sure that if I discussed it at all, it'd be evident pretty quickly as to what I was reading. All I can say, is that it's science-fiction, it's relatively new, and it's a load of horse manure.
I picked up the novel because it was supposed to be similar to some earlier stories I had enjoyed, although more up to date, and on today's heartbeat. Like other new novelists, the beginning was slow. Fine, I'm used to trudging through a hundred pages to get to the meat of a novel. However in TPOC, I'm half-way done, and I can already tell it's a half-assed merging of three or four other masters of writing, full of plot holes, one-dimensional characters, and a view of the world only an idiot could enjoy. Yet, I still trudge on, with the hopes the author will redeem himself.
My question though, is it worthwhile to finish reading something you consider that atrocious. Especially if you aren't a critic or editor? Or should you continue to give it the benefit of doubt, until you have completed it, then vow to burn the book and never case eyes on the likes of it again?
*UPDATE* Got about two-thirds through the novel and gave it up. Maybe I'll go back and finish it some time, but since then I've found a lot of other books to try that aren't nearly as bad. Also helps I've been enjoying them on a new electronic device, but that's another post far in the future.
Currently, I'm attempting to read a novel, that I will only refer to as "That piece of Crap" or [TPOC] for short. I'm also going to refrain from specifics on the plot, as I am sure that if I discussed it at all, it'd be evident pretty quickly as to what I was reading. All I can say, is that it's science-fiction, it's relatively new, and it's a load of horse manure.
I picked up the novel because it was supposed to be similar to some earlier stories I had enjoyed, although more up to date, and on today's heartbeat. Like other new novelists, the beginning was slow. Fine, I'm used to trudging through a hundred pages to get to the meat of a novel. However in TPOC, I'm half-way done, and I can already tell it's a half-assed merging of three or four other masters of writing, full of plot holes, one-dimensional characters, and a view of the world only an idiot could enjoy. Yet, I still trudge on, with the hopes the author will redeem himself.
My question though, is it worthwhile to finish reading something you consider that atrocious. Especially if you aren't a critic or editor? Or should you continue to give it the benefit of doubt, until you have completed it, then vow to burn the book and never case eyes on the likes of it again?
*UPDATE* Got about two-thirds through the novel and gave it up. Maybe I'll go back and finish it some time, but since then I've found a lot of other books to try that aren't nearly as bad. Also helps I've been enjoying them on a new electronic device, but that's another post far in the future.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Alcohol, Religion, and Economics (Part 2)
In the previous post I explained what the situation was. In this post I'm going to try to expound on the situation, interjecting some of my own opinions.
Essentially, there are a multitude of problems concerning this religion versus economics squabble brewing in Minneapolis. First and foremost, in a land of freedom of religion, does a company, providing arguably a public service, have a right to discriminate against a religious faction, if that faction hinders and at times halt that public service?
Depending on the example from history you might find, you can say both yes, and no. The biggest example of yes they could and should, actually springs from rather recent times and concerns this nations struggle with racism, in which groups, such as the Klu Klux Klan blocked public services (hospitals, schools, water fountains). The Klu Klux Klan was then prosecuted and basically eliminated as a group by the federal government.
On the other hand, if you were to look at the current debate over Abortion you could see something of a see-saw to the same argument. Abortion by many definitions is an economic versus Religious debate, where the Religious side is claiming it's tenements do not allow or proscribe that anyone, even those not of their religion should be able to have an Abortion. In the current battle this comes down to meaning that doctors have the right not to perform an abortion, if they believe it's against their religion. At the same time, Anti-Abortion groups have with differing levels of severity been restricted from impeding those who want to have an Abortion. Thus Anti-abortionists still picket many clinics that offer this service, but if they cross the line from picket to active refusal, such as by hitting, grabbing, or causing damage they are then actively prosecuted for discrimination and violence. The latest wrinkle to this debate is that a number of supposed Abortion clinics have been popping up where they are really controlled by Anti-abortionists who find ways to delay or convince their patients not to have an Abortion. So far, this unusual tactic when found out, has mostly been closed down by immediate press revelations.
Which brings us back to this problem of alcohol and cab drivers. By all rights, this attempts of the MAC appear to have been honest attempts at compromise to allow the cab drivers their religious freedom, while lessening the impediment of the public. The drivers on the other hand have decided that all these attempts have only been about discrimination and thus have decided to act like it.
The hook in the matter is that although they can say they are being discriminated if the MAC decides to restrict them for refusing a service, they, themselves, are honestly discriminating against others by their very own refusal. They are trying to foster a set of rules on their attempted passengers, which the passengers don't wish to agree to. In most societies where this happens, it then becomes the passengers right to not use that service and instead opt for one which allows the transportation of alcohol. But in this environment, where the cabs all look similar and it's hard to distinguish between them, this attempt to use the service that allows them is causing an undue hardship delay.
My own opinion is thus, in a society of freedoms, any attempt to curtail another's rights, whether religious or not, should be struck down. Thus, the cab driver's wants to not allow the transportation of alcohol in their cabs, although lawful, well meaning, and within their right, should not give them the authority to block a person from using a cab in a timely fashion.
If they want to continue this religious choice, either they should then accept a compromise that allows a person to choose their cabs, or they should expect to lose the business of passengers.
As an aside, while working on this post I got in to a lengthy discussion with some co-workers about this particular issue. From his POV (Point of View), the only "discrimination" that was going on was against the cab drivers. Thus from his POV, he believes either the cab drivers will eventually compromise, or the airport will just restrict all alcohol transportation. I disagreed and then we launched in to a long debate on discrimination, which I will post at another time.
Essentially, there are a multitude of problems concerning this religion versus economics squabble brewing in Minneapolis. First and foremost, in a land of freedom of religion, does a company, providing arguably a public service, have a right to discriminate against a religious faction, if that faction hinders and at times halt that public service?
Depending on the example from history you might find, you can say both yes, and no. The biggest example of yes they could and should, actually springs from rather recent times and concerns this nations struggle with racism, in which groups, such as the Klu Klux Klan blocked public services (hospitals, schools, water fountains). The Klu Klux Klan was then prosecuted and basically eliminated as a group by the federal government.
On the other hand, if you were to look at the current debate over Abortion you could see something of a see-saw to the same argument. Abortion by many definitions is an economic versus Religious debate, where the Religious side is claiming it's tenements do not allow or proscribe that anyone, even those not of their religion should be able to have an Abortion. In the current battle this comes down to meaning that doctors have the right not to perform an abortion, if they believe it's against their religion. At the same time, Anti-Abortion groups have with differing levels of severity been restricted from impeding those who want to have an Abortion. Thus Anti-abortionists still picket many clinics that offer this service, but if they cross the line from picket to active refusal, such as by hitting, grabbing, or causing damage they are then actively prosecuted for discrimination and violence. The latest wrinkle to this debate is that a number of supposed Abortion clinics have been popping up where they are really controlled by Anti-abortionists who find ways to delay or convince their patients not to have an Abortion. So far, this unusual tactic when found out, has mostly been closed down by immediate press revelations.
Which brings us back to this problem of alcohol and cab drivers. By all rights, this attempts of the MAC appear to have been honest attempts at compromise to allow the cab drivers their religious freedom, while lessening the impediment of the public. The drivers on the other hand have decided that all these attempts have only been about discrimination and thus have decided to act like it.
The hook in the matter is that although they can say they are being discriminated if the MAC decides to restrict them for refusing a service, they, themselves, are honestly discriminating against others by their very own refusal. They are trying to foster a set of rules on their attempted passengers, which the passengers don't wish to agree to. In most societies where this happens, it then becomes the passengers right to not use that service and instead opt for one which allows the transportation of alcohol. But in this environment, where the cabs all look similar and it's hard to distinguish between them, this attempt to use the service that allows them is causing an undue hardship delay.
My own opinion is thus, in a society of freedoms, any attempt to curtail another's rights, whether religious or not, should be struck down. Thus, the cab driver's wants to not allow the transportation of alcohol in their cabs, although lawful, well meaning, and within their right, should not give them the authority to block a person from using a cab in a timely fashion.
If they want to continue this religious choice, either they should then accept a compromise that allows a person to choose their cabs, or they should expect to lose the business of passengers.
As an aside, while working on this post I got in to a lengthy discussion with some co-workers about this particular issue. From his POV (Point of View), the only "discrimination" that was going on was against the cab drivers. Thus from his POV, he believes either the cab drivers will eventually compromise, or the airport will just restrict all alcohol transportation. I disagreed and then we launched in to a long debate on discrimination, which I will post at another time.
Alcohol, Religion, and Economics
Via Cnn.com comes an article about a group of cab drivers in Minneapolis (Minnesota) who have been refusing to transport anyone carrying alcohol. What makes the situation more complicated then simple economic driven supply and service is that the group of cab drivers are Muslims, predominately from Somalia.
Essentially the Muslim religion teaches that transportation, consumption, or any other use of alcohol is strictly forbidden, and a sin. Thus the cab drivers, even though they should be driven by economic forces to transport another person, even one not of their religion, who has partaken or is carrying alcohol, would be committing a sin to do so.
Normally in a mixed religion nation such as ours, this particular problem doesn't crop up that much, as the mix is great enough that a person refused a service because of religious issues could easily get service from some one else. The problem in Minneapolis is that the group of cab drivers refusing service is so large, that it's causing major bottleneck problems at the local airport.
According to the article, in the last years approximately 5,400 people were initially denied service from a taxi at the airport at least once, for this reason alone. One commuter interviewed even described being denied a taxi cab five times, and having to wait twenty minutes for carrying a sealed bottle of wine he had bought on his vacation.
The local authorities (Metropolitan Airport Commission or MAC) then tried to step in and work out a compromise that wouldn't violate the religious freedoms of one group, or discriminate against the freedom of another group. Unfortunately what should have been a simple matter of compromise took a wrong turn when the MAC was rebuffed twice.
The first time then went to local religious leaders and asked for a special dispensation for the cab drivers. The local leaders disagreed and reiterated the doctrine against transportation of alcohol. The MAC then tried a different approach of asking those who didn't want to transport alcohol to use some identifying symbol on their cabs so that patrons could know which they couldn't use, and which they could. They were again rebuffed as the group cried this discrimination.
Now the MAC has been left with little choice but to either impose harsh penalties on cab drivers refusing to pickup passengers for trying to follow their religious faith, or to get hit with lawsuits and other economic penalties for not providing a service for their customers.
Essentially the Muslim religion teaches that transportation, consumption, or any other use of alcohol is strictly forbidden, and a sin. Thus the cab drivers, even though they should be driven by economic forces to transport another person, even one not of their religion, who has partaken or is carrying alcohol, would be committing a sin to do so.
Normally in a mixed religion nation such as ours, this particular problem doesn't crop up that much, as the mix is great enough that a person refused a service because of religious issues could easily get service from some one else. The problem in Minneapolis is that the group of cab drivers refusing service is so large, that it's causing major bottleneck problems at the local airport.
According to the article, in the last years approximately 5,400 people were initially denied service from a taxi at the airport at least once, for this reason alone. One commuter interviewed even described being denied a taxi cab five times, and having to wait twenty minutes for carrying a sealed bottle of wine he had bought on his vacation.
The local authorities (Metropolitan Airport Commission or MAC) then tried to step in and work out a compromise that wouldn't violate the religious freedoms of one group, or discriminate against the freedom of another group. Unfortunately what should have been a simple matter of compromise took a wrong turn when the MAC was rebuffed twice.
The first time then went to local religious leaders and asked for a special dispensation for the cab drivers. The local leaders disagreed and reiterated the doctrine against transportation of alcohol. The MAC then tried a different approach of asking those who didn't want to transport alcohol to use some identifying symbol on their cabs so that patrons could know which they couldn't use, and which they could. They were again rebuffed as the group cried this discrimination.
Now the MAC has been left with little choice but to either impose harsh penalties on cab drivers refusing to pickup passengers for trying to follow their religious faith, or to get hit with lawsuits and other economic penalties for not providing a service for their customers.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
A blog is a Journal
When sitting down to write every day, I usually have to brain storm for several minutes (err hour). What should I write today, I muse. Which inevitably becomes, what's the focus of the blog? You see blogs, from my perspective, are supposed to be places where someone comments or informs the reader about something, such as people, or places, or news, or about other blogs. These can take the form of opinion pieces, or even just a link fest telling people whats the hip today. But they are still, first and foremost, a portal of information.
Again, why does this matter?
When I write pieces like this, I don't feel like I'm a commentator, or a portent to information. Instead I feel like I'm writing in an diary, only one that is online. This counter to the fact I'm writing a post on a site with blogger in the address only adds to internal debate over whether I'm seriously writing, or just venting where someone might see, and still not care.
So every time I begin to write here, I have to go this internal debate over what to write, and why. Because if I'm not a blogger, and this isn't a blog, then what is it? On the other hand, maybe it's just my perception that's wrong.
Via Dictionary.com, and according to Webster's New Millennium™ Dictionary of English, Preview Edition (v 0.9.6) a blog is: an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page.
It is not however, strictly journalistic, although other definitions use journal in them. Then again, I've been using the web long enough I remember livejournal before blogging became the term to use.
What all this really adds up to, is that why contemplating the focus of this blog, I decide two things. One, I can't figure out what my focus interest is just yet. And two, the one entry a day must be an opinion piece, either on life, or something I've read that day. Other then that, I can have more then one entry a day, it's just the first entry, must be an opinion post.
Really, why did this all come up? Beyond the semantic impression of the word blog, I had been debating whether a review piece on a book I picked would fit in to the style here, and whether it would suffice for the one post a day. Nope was answer I came up with, for the later not the former. Later on I'll post reviews of books, movies, and maybe even link some popular stories, but every day I'll start with some rant, opinion, or other rumination. And eventually I'll find a balance once more.
Again, why does this matter?
When I write pieces like this, I don't feel like I'm a commentator, or a portent to information. Instead I feel like I'm writing in an diary, only one that is online. This counter to the fact I'm writing a post on a site with blogger in the address only adds to internal debate over whether I'm seriously writing, or just venting where someone might see, and still not care.
So every time I begin to write here, I have to go this internal debate over what to write, and why. Because if I'm not a blogger, and this isn't a blog, then what is it? On the other hand, maybe it's just my perception that's wrong.
Via Dictionary.com, and according to Webster's New Millennium™ Dictionary of English, Preview Edition (v 0.9.6) a blog is: an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page.
It is not however, strictly journalistic, although other definitions use journal in them. Then again, I've been using the web long enough I remember livejournal before blogging became the term to use.
What all this really adds up to, is that why contemplating the focus of this blog, I decide two things. One, I can't figure out what my focus interest is just yet. And two, the one entry a day must be an opinion piece, either on life, or something I've read that day. Other then that, I can have more then one entry a day, it's just the first entry, must be an opinion post.
Really, why did this all come up? Beyond the semantic impression of the word blog, I had been debating whether a review piece on a book I picked would fit in to the style here, and whether it would suffice for the one post a day. Nope was answer I came up with, for the later not the former. Later on I'll post reviews of books, movies, and maybe even link some popular stories, but every day I'll start with some rant, opinion, or other rumination. And eventually I'll find a balance once more.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Step One, Two, Three
And then again, maybe I'm not...
For anyone just joining us, let's recap. Due in no small part to several nudges and comments over the last week, I had finally decided to make another concentrated push at writing again. Large or small I was going to set aside some time each day, give myself a deadline, and write... anything. So what happens after the first day? I run in to one of my not so unusual sleepless periods.
That is it was the weekend, I didn't have to work, and of course I couldn't sleep. Oh I still averaged 5 hours a day, it just that it came in dribs of 1-2 hours at a time. This of course causes me to be even more lethargic then my normal and thus any desire to, well do anything vanishes. I end up not cleaning, cooking, working on my house, or even playing a game. I basically veg all day long, trying to maybe become interested in something, tv, music, anything at all, and not succeeding.
Luckily this only happens maybe every other month or two, and is usually sparked because I'm overworked, over slept, and just not focused on anything. Others who I've confided in have put forward the theory that I might be a little manic depressive. The major flaw with this theory of course being I'm never in the manic phase. Plus when I'm lethargic I'm not depressed, just uninterested.
Is it some sort of early, early Alzheimer's? Doubtful, as I have only one grand parent with Alzheimer's, and they didn't begin to exhibit problems till their late 60's early 70's. I still have some 40 years then. I've also had certain odd memory issues since I've been a kid. Such as trying to remember a person or place's name. Never could, but I can fairly easily remember long strings of numbers, and have a high, not perfect, photographic style memory.
Then why? I don't personally know, and probably can't afford the neuro-physicist who might be able to find out.
As for a psychiatrist? Likely they would either side with the manic depressive, or decide it's some sort of adult ADHD. And I'll admit, in a way it is some sort of adult ADHD. But I don't think taking drugs designed to "mellow" one out would solve a lethargic problem. Amphetamines on the hand might, but I'm not very big on drugs to begin with. Which is odd contradiction because of my personal politics, but that's a completely different subject.
Anyways, due to multiple factors currently in my life, including my weird sleeping schedule, I'm not sure if there ever is going to be a good answer to my problem. However my flatmate, with whom I discussed this recently, half joked he was going have me take ginsing and some other memory herbs and such. I think I might try them out.
As to the writing... well I'm back at work, so likely I'll sleep normally again for the rest of the week, and that means I'm back to writing, again.
For anyone just joining us, let's recap. Due in no small part to several nudges and comments over the last week, I had finally decided to make another concentrated push at writing again. Large or small I was going to set aside some time each day, give myself a deadline, and write... anything. So what happens after the first day? I run in to one of my not so unusual sleepless periods.
That is it was the weekend, I didn't have to work, and of course I couldn't sleep. Oh I still averaged 5 hours a day, it just that it came in dribs of 1-2 hours at a time. This of course causes me to be even more lethargic then my normal and thus any desire to, well do anything vanishes. I end up not cleaning, cooking, working on my house, or even playing a game. I basically veg all day long, trying to maybe become interested in something, tv, music, anything at all, and not succeeding.
Luckily this only happens maybe every other month or two, and is usually sparked because I'm overworked, over slept, and just not focused on anything. Others who I've confided in have put forward the theory that I might be a little manic depressive. The major flaw with this theory of course being I'm never in the manic phase. Plus when I'm lethargic I'm not depressed, just uninterested.
Is it some sort of early, early Alzheimer's? Doubtful, as I have only one grand parent with Alzheimer's, and they didn't begin to exhibit problems till their late 60's early 70's. I still have some 40 years then. I've also had certain odd memory issues since I've been a kid. Such as trying to remember a person or place's name. Never could, but I can fairly easily remember long strings of numbers, and have a high, not perfect, photographic style memory.
Then why? I don't personally know, and probably can't afford the neuro-physicist who might be able to find out.
As for a psychiatrist? Likely they would either side with the manic depressive, or decide it's some sort of adult ADHD. And I'll admit, in a way it is some sort of adult ADHD. But I don't think taking drugs designed to "mellow" one out would solve a lethargic problem. Amphetamines on the hand might, but I'm not very big on drugs to begin with. Which is odd contradiction because of my personal politics, but that's a completely different subject.
Anyways, due to multiple factors currently in my life, including my weird sleeping schedule, I'm not sure if there ever is going to be a good answer to my problem. However my flatmate, with whom I discussed this recently, half joked he was going have me take ginsing and some other memory herbs and such. I think I might try them out.
As to the writing... well I'm back at work, so likely I'll sleep normally again for the rest of the week, and that means I'm back to writing, again.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Confluences and Coincidences
I was talking with one of my coworkers just a short while ago, before getting out of work to head home and eventually to yet, when by some round about logic chain he asked why I wasn't writing. Well, actually he asked why I wasn't in the movie business, but in way that really meant he was asking why I wasn't pushing myself and my writing in to the lackluster from his point of view entertainment industry. When I then explained that I tend to be to much of a perfectionist, accounting for my currently two year drought in writing creativity, he again asked why.
After I had gone back to my desk, I pondered that question; why wasn't I trying to write. I know I've been stuck after having belted out 50,000+ words for a National Novel Writing Month challenge, and I was stuck because I really wanted to go back and edit the volume before trying to write the other half and finish it. But why hadn't I attempted any serious blogging, writing or anything else very creative in over two years? The real reason? I don't know. But at that moment I vowed, like I've done a handful of times in the last ten years, to try to do some daily writings. Thus I went back to my coworker, and challenged myself, with him as a witness, aka meddlesome friend who will razz me to no end if I don't finish what I start, to write something every day.
Then I hit a different sort of obstacle, what the heck was I going to write about?
After a few minutes of brainstorming I eventually decided to write a book review on a fairly good book I had read just the weak previously. I was going with this book, mostly because even though I've read two other books since, it was the only one to actually remain in my memory, which of course is a good thing. The problem was, that on the way home my mind began to drift as I attempted to scribe a good review.
What happened, was that I kept getting side tracked by a number of logic chains. First I recalled that the book I had read, by pure chance a major core of it's background had been referenced at least twice in different articles or events. Remarking on this short term coincidence, I then segued to a different logic chain, where upon I realized, I had been reminded, or prodded to a minor degree about writing as well this week. I also realized that I had been goaded enough that when my friend pushed the last button he finally put me over the tipping to do something about it. I also realized I had been nudged enough that any review I attempted to write, would probably head back in to remarking and talking about the various confluences and coincidences.
Thus on my first days sojurn in to writing, I've ended up writing this, one long "cat vacuum" of a post, about nothing more then the fact I've been prodded to write, and am going to attempt to write every day, all without trying to promise again what I haven't been able to do in the last two years.
Then again, at least I'm writing...
After I had gone back to my desk, I pondered that question; why wasn't I trying to write. I know I've been stuck after having belted out 50,000+ words for a National Novel Writing Month challenge, and I was stuck because I really wanted to go back and edit the volume before trying to write the other half and finish it. But why hadn't I attempted any serious blogging, writing or anything else very creative in over two years? The real reason? I don't know. But at that moment I vowed, like I've done a handful of times in the last ten years, to try to do some daily writings. Thus I went back to my coworker, and challenged myself, with him as a witness, aka meddlesome friend who will razz me to no end if I don't finish what I start, to write something every day.
Then I hit a different sort of obstacle, what the heck was I going to write about?
After a few minutes of brainstorming I eventually decided to write a book review on a fairly good book I had read just the weak previously. I was going with this book, mostly because even though I've read two other books since, it was the only one to actually remain in my memory, which of course is a good thing. The problem was, that on the way home my mind began to drift as I attempted to scribe a good review.
What happened, was that I kept getting side tracked by a number of logic chains. First I recalled that the book I had read, by pure chance a major core of it's background had been referenced at least twice in different articles or events. Remarking on this short term coincidence, I then segued to a different logic chain, where upon I realized, I had been reminded, or prodded to a minor degree about writing as well this week. I also realized that I had been goaded enough that when my friend pushed the last button he finally put me over the tipping to do something about it. I also realized I had been nudged enough that any review I attempted to write, would probably head back in to remarking and talking about the various confluences and coincidences.
Thus on my first days sojurn in to writing, I've ended up writing this, one long "cat vacuum" of a post, about nothing more then the fact I've been prodded to write, and am going to attempt to write every day, all without trying to promise again what I haven't been able to do in the last two years.
Then again, at least I'm writing...
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